gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
