i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It was confusing and full of hummus
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize