There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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