Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
