No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
