A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We have so much sex to catch up on
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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