I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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