I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
