i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
