I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I stole a fireplace last night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
