i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
