Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
