Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
