...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
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Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
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He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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