alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
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I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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