just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
