I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
