DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize