I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Randomize
