i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
