Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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