i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
