oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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