Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
