OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she peed on how many people?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
How does it feel to date your dad?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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