I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
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I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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