Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
