Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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