our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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