You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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