Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He did a backflip because drugs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
