i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
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