I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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