the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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