I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
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i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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