ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
