I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
