Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
