This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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