I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.