why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle