Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok