Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.