Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.