I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."