I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"