I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.