i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
