I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
