the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
