The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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