Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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