how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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