Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I had to cum in my sink.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
