wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
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It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
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I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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