weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
