I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
