R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
