i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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