I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
