hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
