You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
