Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
