I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
