All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
